Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Weight Loss Surgery — Lap Band: Fail & Re-gain.

I had Weight Loss Surgery. I was 23. I was desperate to find the thing that was going to change me into an entirely different person, and most importantly — thin. I had to also be entirely different because I knew deep down that someone else (NOT me) would be worthy of living their life that way. Definitely not me.

Full Stop.

I want to be really clear about something. You — yes, you! — are worthy of every single thing your heart desires right now. I can already tell you don’t believe me. But I must insist this point to be absolutely true.

You are worthy of — and deserve — every single thing your heart desires right now.

 

I was 292 lbs when I was 23. I had to gain weight to get my surgery approved by the insurance company. I lost 60 lbs within that first year. I hit 232 lbs. And then I figured out how to eat the way I wanted to — the way I knew how to, the way I had missed for that year or so.

After all, healthy food was getting stuck all the time anyway! I might as well just eat something I know won’t be an issue because I am tired of getting up multiple times during a meal to excuse myself so I can throw up.

Yes, this was my life. And if you have had WLS too, you may be awfully familiar with my story.

 

Once I had my son in 2015, I freaked. If I continued on my current trajectory, how am I going to show up as a mom? How did I WANT to show up as a mom? What did I want my life to look like? So. Many. Questions. And I had all the answers about how I did NOT want my life to look.

I knew I had to figure out how to have my own back. How to love myself — even through all of the “but’s” I had. What did it look like for me to be able to trust myself? To make a decision and stick with it. To do something for myself that I never before, not once, had ever done for myself — until now.

After ignoring my band for as long as I could — 7 years, I made peace with letting it go. By this time I had built up enough trust and love in myself that I knew I could handle making this major decision — this weight loss surgery reversal; to have my lap band removed.

 

I am in unchartered territory now. Losing weight. What are the statics about people who have failed weight loss surgery? Not good, I would bet. But that is not stopping me — nor does it even matter. I KNOW in my heart 100% that my life is my own, and that I will lose the rest of my weight.

I am inviting you to join me. We can figure this out together. I already have every single tool I need. I can teach them to you, too.

 

Love yourself enough to join me.

 

I have two options: private one-on-one coaching and group coaching in a Facebook group.

Let’s Get Started!

Posted in weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain

Never Have I Ever: Thought I’d be Losing Weight Publicly

Never in my life would I have believed I would be deliberately losing weight through thought work and mind management — let alone, in a blog, with a (future) podcast, as I am in the middle of becoming a certified life coach… But here I am.

I am currently living a dream that was so deep inside, so quiet — I honestly did not believe it was even worth having.

In 2010 at age 23, when I decided the lap band Weight Loss Surgery was the way I would gain command of my life — my hope was almost immediately extinguished when I realized it was not the permanent solve for my weight loss. I distinctly remember thinking, “…and if I ever need to drop more weight off again in the future, I can just fill the pouch back up.” So heartbreaking.

Once I had the surgery, I realized practically overnight — ok so this will not be the way I figure this out. But how.

And there I stayed for years. Ignoring my band, and trying to eat out in public with my now husband. And trying to eat healthy foods, but not being able to keep anything down. And ultimately surrendering to milk shakes, or candy bars, or anything that was “slippery.” Read: NOT grilled chicken, NOT broccoli, NOT hard boiled eggs.

I was married in 2013. I felt so beautiful that day. Until I caught a glimpse of what my back looked like after seeing a pic the next day. That felt like a punch directly into my stomach, and it knocked the wind out of me.

I became pregnant with my first baby – a boy – in 2015. I did not know how I was going to show up as a mom but I knew I needed to be different. I wanted to be different. I wanted to become the athletic mom. I have always loved sports. I wanted to teach my son how to play, too.

In 2016, I knew I was ready to start making a change. But how. I joined Weight Watchers for the approximately 20th time or so, and lost 20 lbs in 2 months. I was also introduced to the podcast: Half Size Me. Heather is the host and spoke to losing weight the way you want to live your life. I knew I needed to drop Weight Watchers and find another way. It took me a few months before I was ready but once I took the leap, I never looked back.

I started small — winning back my trust, and finding my self-love. I focused on keeping my kitchen clean and my sink empty. I committed to doing this every day. Nothing else. Just keeping the kitchen clean. It worked. And about 2 months later, I was ready for more.