I am ending this year at my lowest weight since becoming a mom over 3 years ago. I do not know exactly how long it has been. I had hit a low this year in August postpartum and the highest since then in October and then again in November. I had gained back 14.2 lbs and am now back down 14.8 lbs, (28.2 lbs since my pregnancy). This year has gone exactly as it should.
Not only did I transition from one baby to two, I also switched careers entirely. I became a stay at home mom — something I never thought imaginable for me. Something I was previously hellbent on not doing because I thought I would just continue gaining weight having unrestricted access to the pantry all day long. And yet, I am here doing this gig and now at my lowest weight. The word satisfying is /almost/ all-encompassing for how good this feels. I have changed the way I think and what I believe about my life in so many distinct ways.
Anyway, going forward…
My word for 2019 is RELEASE.
I will release the rest of my physical weight and hit goal. I will release the overbearing and unrealistic expectations I put on myself, and those especially put upon others, as well. I will release the belief systems no longer serving me and replace them with ideas and dreams.
I am so grateful to be in this space now that I long thought was a fantasy land. I had my weight loss surgery undone. I am losing weight, changing my life, and creating a robust future for my family — and so many others, too, but more on that later this year.
I am so grateful for Corinne for putting this whole thing into motion, for being the spark that I fed with gasoline. Fall Camp changed everything for me. To my accountability partners — you each have been immeasurably tremendous in pushing and supporting me, and for allowing me the opportunity in return to push and support you.
I built my own community, coached many clients, and am ending this year without a shadow of a doubt that this was the path I was meant to trail blaze all along.
If you’re reading this and thinking I must be a unicorn — I want to let you know that you can do this, too. If you have the teeniest, tiniest desire to change then you owe it to yourself to find out more. Feel free to message me…
This week was a true learning experience for me… I neglected myself in a new way and it came to a head yesterday. I know this is all because I did not take time for myself — or go to the gym — which is synonymous with me time because of the day care and that I don’t need anyone else to take the kids to make it happen for myself. My baby will be 5 months old on the 1st. I was enjoying going to the gym so much earlier this month. And then I just didn’t want to go and let that narrative take over for the last 2 weeks. Somehow through all of that, I did not get any alone time and I did not leave the house very much either.
It is so interesting that our primitive brain thinks we need to stay safe and save our energy in order to survive. The evolvement of our brains has not caught up to what society offers us these days — absolutely no danger really at all — and yet the goals remain (as they did 1,000 years ago) for us to eat all the food and save all the energy.
So I let the “toddler with the knife” call the shots this week. And I sunk into myself a bit more and more each day. I saw it happening. Did not know exactly “what” it was or “what” was causing it… I struggled to bathe, I struggled to clean the house, I downloaded so many games on my phone. And then Saturday morning, I raised my hand. I recognized that I needed to leave. I knew my cup had not been full in quite some time. Too much time.
All of this to say…
I will never let that happen to me ever again. I know better. I love myself too much. I know how to take better care of myself. And most importantly, I know I need the gym in my weekly rotation to keep me going. To sweat and to be alone with my music. This is how I reset.
I am so grateful to have learned this lesson when I did and in the way that I did. I always suspected the gym offered this for me, but now I know without a shadow of a doubt. What a gift I am able to give myself for 2019. I commit to going minimum to the gym 3 days a week. I do not need to go more than once in a row but I will build this into my schedule as non-negotiable because I know what happens when I put my mental health and physical health on the back-burner.
All of the power we allow for ourselves exists in what we know we each need individually to function at our best level. A 24 hour plan. An extended fast. A workout with my music. A book. A podcast. These are the things I need at my fingertips for me to be able to keep going in the best way I know how. This is exactly what I needed to come out of 2018 having learned. This could not have come at a better time. I am all ears and I am all in on doing what is best for myself. No matter what.
The only reason you are not setting goals is because you are scared about how you will feel.
Life Coaching offers perspective in effective mindset change.
Question your belief systems. Are they serving you?
If not, that is “normal!” Do you want to be “normal?” What does “normal” even mean? Really ask yourself these questions.
You are capable of so much more. You do not need to believe that right now — either way, it is still true.
Whether you believe it or not, right at this very second, as you live and breathe, you are capable of so much more.
An open letter to the Ilana who was struggling not too long ago — and will again in the future — from the Ilana who is crushing her goals and feeling amazing…
You woke up today and that ease is gone. It feels tough now. It happened so fast. But keep doing what you’re doing.
It doesn’t feel like it’s working. You might not see the effect you are creating. You may not even believe it is there. But trust this process. Keep showing up, like you are.
It will get easier again. It always does.
Do the things. Without question.
You no longer give up on yourself. You’re worth it.
Keep showing up.
And then, you will see the results of consistency. You will create your own motivation and momentum. And you will wake up the next morning and find yourself on the other side of struggle.
Easily feeling amazing practically effortlessly… It will be coming around again.
But only if you keep practicing in the mean time.
You got this. Love you.