Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

On Thought Work

“Thought work” sounds interesting but without having any idea what it means it makes no sense.

The donut itself is not the problem.

The way you think about the donut is.

The scale is neutral.

The way you think about the scale is causing feelings and actions.

What is your dream for yourself?

Let’s get aligned.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

On Weight Loss Surgery Regain

I am in the process of healing mentally and emotionally from having surgery when I was not fully aligned with the life it entailed. 

Of course I gained the weight back and then some. 

I still believed that food was comfort. 

I still believed food meant a break. 

I did not trust myself. 

I did not believe in myself. 

I did not believe I was worthy of being thin. 

So, my daily actions and habits reflected all of those beliefs. 

Don’t get me wrong, I did the best I could with what I knew. 

But now I know so much more. 

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

On Transformation

I have changed the way I think, feel and act when it comes to just about every single thing in my life.

Coming from a place of shame and unworthiness, losing weight was never a possibility.

Coming from a place of out-of-control and numbing, being a stay at home mom (with unrestricted access to the pantry) was a recipe for disaster.

Coming from a place of fear and anxiety, having my weight loss surgery lap band removed was an insane idea, regardless of how low quality my experience with it had become.

These were both such fundamental belief systems I had about me. And I flipped the switch on all of them.

It is totally possible to question — and change — the way you think about EVERYTHING. Is “that” thought serving you? If yes, why? And do you like your reason? That’s all you need to know. If you like your reason, you’re golden.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

The Work of a Lifetime

Good morning! Happy Sunday!

You guys, I woke up early this morning with a 3.5 year old in the middle of me and Mike on our bed. They were still sleeping. 

(Yes, I woke up myself!)

I have so much gratitude in my heart for my husband, my children, myself. 

I get to raise my kids, to teach them how to believe in themself, by example.

I have so much gratitude to be intentionally creating my own life.

The thing is, I want you to know that this too can be you. (It will take work!)

But I am not going anywhere. As long as someone out there does not believe in themself, I am not going to stop.

I have SO MUCH LOVE for you. You can have so much love for yourself! But if you do not believe in yourself, too you are missing an essential piece of the puzzle to create lasting change.

Even if you are on the fence about loving yourself, this daily practice is for you! 

You love your family, you believe in your children — you have the ABILITY!

You can also offer those things to yourself… AND IF YOU DID, how do you think you would show up for yourself? 

Let’s get going. For me, THIS was the most important work of my life.

And now, this continues to be the most important work FOR YOU.

I’m ALL IN for YOU. 

Are you?

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Ilana Teaches: How To Believe In Yourself

I remember what it was like when I had no idea how to believe in myself… and so I’ve built for you a tool to on how to create that belief system all on your own — talk about believing in yourself, amiright?!

We’ll have a month long study with weekly calls and lessons, daily practices and I’m going LIVE tonight at 8:30 pm EST to talk about it!

Launch date is set for April 1st. Let’s welcome Spring living into our best selves. Who is with me? 

www.Facebook.com/WhattheWeightloss

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Farewell to Ilana Version 1.0

Dear Ilana Version 1.0,

I am letting go of your habits and your beliefs. They no longer serve me. They interfere with who I am becoming. I want you to know that I love every single thing about you. But that in that love, I want more for myself. It’s not you, it’s me. It is time we break up. You made some really hard decisions and pushed growth. You met your husband, and you carried and delivered your first born son. You had weight loss surgery and then had it undone. You amaze me.

And yet, there are things that need to be left behind — but never forgotten. I am not someone who eats to avoid life any longer. I eat in a way that provides me fuel and sustenance and then I move on with my day and figure out what I will create and contribute. 

I love helping other women like you that were lost. It is a gift to be able to teach tools that provide such an intense and quick solution to feeling better. It is neutral that you made mistakes. I know I will make mistakes too. I choose to love you. I need to move on with you. I will wear clothing you have only dreamed of and I will participate in races and other outdoorsy adventures you would have previously scoffed and rolled your eyes at.

It is ok that I am choosing a life you never humored. I know with the Weight Loss Surgery that you had briefly yearned for clothing that were small and to be active and athletic. The lap band was not the way to get you tackle your brain. You knew it almost immediately. And so finally, here we are — ready to take on the next chapter. 

It is time for me to let you go. I am in better shape than you would have ever imagined and it is all because of you. You did this. You took all of the steps to get me to this place. You did this work.

Thank you. I love you. I will honor your wishes, and the pain you felt all along the way. But I will not abuse food or my body ever again. I will not tolerate allowing food back in for any other reason beyond solving hunger.

I love to workout out, I love to run and practice yoga and I will move in an intentional way every single day for the rest of my life. I will run races — 5ks, 10ks, half marathons and maybe even a full marathon one day.

I will go horseback riding, and do a zip line ropes course. I will learn how to roller skate and ice skate. I will do all of the things I used to be terrified of. I am excited to be someone who says yes first and then asks questions about how. I will not say no right away to anything. I will be able to fit comfortably on an airplane seat and I will be able to ride any roller coaster and those things will always be worth the discomfort and living a life without food to numb.

Thank you for trying your best. I really believe you did. I know how hard it was dealing with the girls in high school and middle school. I know how badly you wanted to be captain of the basketball team. In another life, we will become the captain. In another life, we will train in the off season and eat in a way that respects ourselves.

In another life we will not have 2 dinners with friends most nights of the week.

In another life we figure out how to have fun with other people when food is not the focus.

And that other life starts now. 

I am doing this for my children. I want to learn how to run with Michael. I want to teach Paige how to respect her body. I want to do these things that will create a lasting and meaningful foundation for my children’s long term success with their weight management and regular activity.

We are becoming that family who spends our weekends once a month running a race together. And we all feel amazing about it. And we show up as our best selves.

This is why I need to leave you behind so I can grow into who I was always meant to be.

Thank you for planting this seed. For getting this work going. Without you none of this would have been possible.

I love you dearly. I love me dearly. I wish you had the opportunity to love yourself the way I do now. 

Please take this lesson with you and never forget.

All my love,

Ilana Version 2.0

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Scared, but doing it anyway…

I spent the last week or so stewing and not allowing myself to move forward. I was not willing to allow urges and I had a tough time sticking to my plan.

The difference between last week and January, was that this time I knew more or less exactly what was going on in my brain.

I was allowing myself to feel overwhelmed about feeling the discomfort of not eating AND the discomfort of plugging away at writing courses and figuring out my business plan.

There was just too much discomfort.

Plus I had completed a half marathon and that was something I never thought I would have been willing to do so clearly I must be losing my mind — and my brain thinks I am in serious danger.

I love working on my body, and being a maestro who is conducting my outside to match my inside. I love living my best life which includes eating respectfully, finishing half marathons in snow, slush and ice, and building a business to reach a community I am all too familiar with. I LOVE doing these things.

So, why would my brain try to interfere, keep me safe and in the “cave?”

Because this shit is scary. It is hard to be intentional about living life “out loud.”

It is hard to get up every morning and figure out a new way I can throw myself out there. It is a labor of love, don’t get me wrong.

But last week I allowed the internal voice of “no” to get a bit too loud. So I’ve turned down the volume and I’m back to my grind. And I will be going LIVE on facebook tonight to speak about this. Come check it out.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Face to Face Friday

April 2016: I was 29 and a “new” mom without any idea how to love myself or how to feel even a teeny bit comfortable in my skin. 

March 2019: After the gym and a shower, I did my hair and makeup when I left the house to take my 7 month old to the doctor. 

I’m not better now, or more worthy, or more lovable. Life is a lot more peaceful since figuring out how to manage my mind and think intentionally. 

I can teach you how to believe in yourself. If you knew how, what would you do? Or better, what wouldn’t you do?! Unlock this super power — it’s available to you right this second.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

My First Half Marathon

As someone who used to never allow myself to finish anything, it is utterly mind blowing for me to have earned a finisher medal today. 

Not a participation token.

An actual FINISHER medal.

I finished a half marathon. 

I walked for 4+ hours straight. It was freezing, icy, snowy and challenging as all heck. But my body was fully capable. 

I used to avoid making any effort at all because I thought I would just fail anyway so I might as well fail without giving an effort. 

Not once did I hear my brain try to tell me I could not do this half.

Which is mind blowing in and of itself because for years and years, I never once heard my brain tell me that I actually could do something.

Change is possible.

Join me.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Transformation Tuesday

2/2/17 : My 30th birthday. Approx 1.5 years postpartum and approx down 30 lbs from my highest weight. Finding my courage, bravery, self-love, compassion. Trying to branch out and feel confident. Trying to feel like I had my own back. Mostly unsure of myself. Mostly lost. Just barely listening to my really quiet inner voice.

Today : Age 32. Down 67 lbs. 7 months postpartum for the 2nd time. Feeling amazing. I trust myself, love myself, show myself compassion and allow my humanness to be just that. Not make it mean anything that does not serve me. I take amazing care of myself, and my family. My inner voice gets louder and louder with every passing month. Finding my outer voice. Creating a business that will teach other woman how to believe in themselves, too. LOVING MY LIFE.