Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

A brief intro

I was 23 years old in 2010 when I ultimately decided to have Weight Loss Surgery. I opted to go with the lap band and needed to gain weight in order to get approval from my insurance company. 

When I graduated from high school in 2005, my weight was around 180 pounds. As soon as I began college following that Summer, my weight was already in the 200s and I had absolutely no desire to do what was necessary to stop the bleed. 

Sure, I had joined Weight Watchers several times before then but as a ‘rebel,’ almost every weigh in was futile. [I am a rebel as defined by Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies.]

Of course I “knew” how to lose weight. Eat salad. Stop having an entire box of cereal in one day. Go for a walk. I simply did not want to do any of it.

I was emotional and food was the constant to level me out so I did not have to feel.

The lap band played a significant role in my 20s. It totally revoked my ability to binge eat. For that, I am thankful.

However, knowing what I know now and from where I am currently sitting, nothing about weight loss has anything to do with “what” you are eating or how much you move. Just that you simply limit the quantity — and not so that you are hungry; and move in a way that clears your mental space.

Changing my life, finally, took a big effort in my mental game. I will let you in on a secret. No one ever hated themselves enough to lose the weight. It took me figuring out how to love myself in order to make peace with this process… and my new life…

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