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Procrastinating

Over the last year I have become someone completely different, and in some ways — not different at all.

I can see clearly the patterns that have surfaced where I sabotage or resist change. It is fascinating (and terrifying!) to even have this information.

About a month ago, (because of my awesome patterns I want to keep forever), I received this amazing prize from a giveaway my coach friend Simone did where everyone shared their favorite poem. It was awesome! And I love E. E. Cummings’ “I Carry Your Heart” so I threw my hat in the ring. And then randomly won!

I am psyched to have received this awesome book. THANK YOU Simone because it something new for me to bring into my awareness. And I am grateful for it all.

Thanks for your patience as I get out of my own way to do the things I tell myself I will. (How many of you can relate???)

I’m a work in progress, too. And I know that this will be true for life. And it is all good. I love knowing where my next up-level is. And how I imagine that slight change shifts everything else.

When we focus on one small thing, it is as if the tide rolls in — all the boats rise.

One small action has a ripple you can’t imagine, nor predict.

What will yours be today?

Posted in Uncategorized

Is it Time to Level Up?

Do you feel like its time to up-level and evolve your relationship with food — and yourself?

For me, I did not realize this was something I could change.

I thought in order me to be any smaller, I had to count calories or have weight loss surgery. And even after I did undergo lap band surgery, I regained the weight.

It was not until I birthed my son 4 years ago yesterday, at a new highest weight, 320, that I felt called to truly resolve this ongoing and lifelong struggle.

And it is remarkable how much has changed within me since then. I am so grateful to myself for taking those truly scary and uncertain steps.

Bet on yourself. You can do this work. With me as your coach and mentor, you will feel supported and unstoppable.

This life is waiting for you. The one you’ve spent your entire life dreaming of.

I know exactly what it is like, because the only difference between you and I is that I went for it.

Are you coming?

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My Beliefs

I believe in a world where women are given their own permission to be authentically themselves 100% of the time.

I believe that women who had bariatric surgery deserve the space to heal from believing about themselves that surgery was and is the only way.

I believe that you are worthy just because you exist in the world.

I believe that you matter.

I believe you are enough.

I believe you can put down the shame.

I believe you can heal emotionally.

And I believe that from this work we would do together, you would THRIVE and weight loss would be a direct byproduct.

And what if all of this were easy? I believe it is!

I’m ready. Are you?

Posted in Uncategorized

Weight regain

You are not broken because you regained the weight.

There is nothing wrong with you.

You do NOT MUST feel shame because you regained the weight.

There is nothing wrong with you.

Working with me opens up a lot of doors for you and your life. Many more doors than you even realize.

Are you willing to be wrong about your self-loathing?

For me, I was skeptical at first. But I knew I needed to TRY something — anything.

Turns out you are a way better, nicer person than you have ever let yourself imagine.

Can you feel that relief?

Let’s get to work.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band, lap band removal, lap band removed, life coach, mind management, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, thought work, weight loss, weight loss coach, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

My Offer For You

My clients are suffering, like I did. From gaining all the weight back — and then some — after Bariatric Surgery.
What I offer my clients:

šŸ”„ Become the person now who you wanted to be and thought you would have become with WLS all those years ago

and

šŸ’” Let go of the shame due to weight regain after WLS
šŸ’” Stop feeling controlled by food
šŸ’” Stop obsessing over what you can and cannot eat
šŸ’” Stop trying to game the system
šŸ’” Realign with your predetermined eating plan

šŸ™…ā€ā™€ļø No revision necessary

I had my lap band removed in 2017. No revision. I am here as an example of what is possible for you, too. Message me and let’s get started.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band, lap band removal, lap band removed, life coach, mind management, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, thought work, weight loss, weight loss coach, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

A little more about me…

When I was 320 lbs, after gaining my weight back post-Weight Loss Surgery, I did not believe I would ever get a handle on food.

I did not know how to manage myself. I did not have any idea that there would be a way to lose weight. I absolutely did not want to ever count calories, or anything else. I felt helpless. I felt dismissed. I thought of myself as a lost cause.

It felt awful. I hated myself so much. I hated my life. And I ate to deal with everything life offered me. I used to assume people did not care what I had to say because I was fat.

I felt so much shame because I gained the weight back. Because nothing changed after bariatric surgery.

So when I tell you I know this struggle, I really know this struggle.

That is why I am doing this work. Because there is another way to live. If you want to finally lose the weight without fear, panic, worry.

Because I am living this life.

I dropped all of that limiting crap I used to tell myself every day — habitually.

I do not tolerate certain behavior anymore.

You can lose the weight, and gain emotional freedom. Just because you want to. You do not need a diagnosis to change your life. You can just decide you’ve had enough of the current life experience you are having. Let’s try on another way to live and be in the world.

Start trusting yourself now. To change. This decision does not need to be hard. And you can make it because you want to LOVE yourself for the first time.

I offer healing. Love. Peace. For you. From yourself. You can do this.

Message me today. You are worthy of more. You know you are.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band, lap band removal, lap band removed, life coach, mind management, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, thought work, weight loss, weight loss coach, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Trusting Myself

I used to believe — and accept about myself — that I was just someone who was inconsistent.

Say one thing. Do the opposite.

My past is filled with holes and gaps. Times in my life where I would really be meaning well but would fail miserably at meeting those expectations.

I knew it at the time too, as I spoke the words, that I was not going to follow through. And yet, I would continue agreeing. Saying I would. For sure.

No self-integrity. No commitment to my word. I never had my own back.

Until one day I decided I did. I decided I was changing. I wanted to show up for myself in a way that was more meaningful. And it started with me.

I started following through doing what I said I would. For myself. Not for anyone else.

Making that small tweak changed everything. I started to show up differently for my family.

It is not always perfect. Self-integrity is a practice. It is not something that is ever perfect. It is noticing when you are out of alignment and intentionally deciding to get back to honoring your word.

The urge for me to not want to follow through is still there. It is just a pattern in my brain that I am working on extinguishing. It is neutral until I decide it makes me a bad person — which I don’t.

As I work on my own self-trust, I am able to extend that to my family and friends, too. After all, if I trust myself then I know I can handle whatever gets thrown my way. And I mean that to the very worst case scenario your brain can take it. I can handle anything life throws at me. And I can thrive because I choose to have the fullest human experience I am meant to in this lifetime.

You can, too.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band, lap band removal, lap band removed, life coach, mind management, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, thought work, weight loss, weight loss coach, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Lap Band Removed

I had my lap band removed in 2017. No revision.

My surgeon must have asked me 1,000 times plus a dozen on the day of the procedure, if I wanted to reconsider and have a revision.

I mean, I guess he wanted to help me the way he knows how.

It felt terrible in the realization that my weight was the same as it was on the day it was placed in 2010 — 292 lbs.

I had lost 60 lbs that first year and my weight slowly crept back up.

During my first pregnancy in 2015, my weight climbed to 320 lbs.

As a new mom, I was desperate to figure out a way to lose the weight for good and not count calories, or points. To just live. The way other people do. And not feel out of control around food.

I started to consider that I was wrong about all of the self-loathing going on inside my head. I was wrong about my worth. I was wrong about what kind of mother I wanted to be.

The band was a terrible way of life for me. I think there were about a dozen meals total that I made it through without having to excuse myself throughout the entire 7 years I had it. (And if you had the band, you know what I mean.)

And after a year or so of practicing a very introductory, quiet and muted version of self-love, I decided I liked myself too much to keep the band.

So when the doctor kept asking me over and over if I was sure I did not want a revision — I really was NOT sure at the time — but I had a tiny bit of compassion for myself mixed with determination to figure this out for once and for all.

When I was in high school, as the tallest girl, with the loudest laugh, and the most uncomfortable out of everyone, I vowed to myself that once I figured out this weight issue, I was going to teach it to the world.

Well, world, I have figured it out. And I am ELATED to teach you about it. To break the chains and lose this weight.

I’m down 60 lbs. I have 100 lbs to go to get to my goal weight. I have regained about 15 lbs over the past month. This experience of regain has taught me SO MUCH about what I am teaching. The shame cycle is sitting right next to me ready to go. But the shame cycle is NOT going to get me to goal. You already know that, too.

I love these human brains of ours. Let’s do this together.

Iā€™m offering FREE coaching to a limited number of women who have had weight loss surgery.

Message me for details and to discuss if you qualify.

šŸ‘‰šŸ¼ Please share with anyone you know who has had weight loss surgery and are struggling with regain.

There is hope. I offer results. šŸ’„

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band, lap band removal, lap band removed, life coach, mind management, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, thought work, weight loss, weight loss coach, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Some Background

The first time I was brought to a Weight Watchers meeting was, I think, in middle school but it may have been in 5th grade. I had so much resistance to counting points. Sure, the method was “easy.” But NONE of my friends even knew what a diet was. They were minute. All of them were short and tiny. Even the boys.

I did not want to limit myself in anyway when it came to food. I had to limit myself in every other area of my life, it seemed — because I was always too much. Food became the practiced outlet for me to stuff down all of my feelings of being left out, too loud, weird, being bullied and being the bully. All of it was a dumpster fire that I was trying to figure out on my own to no avail.

So, I failed at every diet attempt. Because I taught my brain to use food to deal with every single thing happening in my life — good or bad.

Even in high school I distinctly remember, long before Bariatric Surgery became a thought in my brain for myself, that I vowed to myself that once I figured out this weight issue that I was going to teach it to anyone who listened. (I am SO PSYCHED BEYOND ALL MEASURE to tell you that I freaking figured it out, finally. But not before another decade and a half of punishment and mis-treatment of myself by myself.)

I went to college. A private school. I studied abroad. In Australia. I made lots of friends that were both girls and guys and I had no idea how to be a girlfriend or a friend with benefits or just a friend or even, let’s just say, a girl who happened to like boys. LOL. But, seriously.

I had a few boyfriends. Nothing all that serious or life changing. And I had been dumped before. But a little while after college graduation, I was told no by someone who I was totally rearranging my life for. And instantly my thought was, “How dare you say no to me, I do not even say no to myself.”

Knowing what I know now I see how destructive this thought is. How strongly I held on to it, and for years. (I feel like I still believe it a little though, and that is what life coaching offers. Asking myself the question, do I even want that belief to be true? And providing myself tools to ‘un-believe.’)

All of that to say, when I was 23, and single, of course I thought weight loss surgery was going to be the answer. I so desperately wanted to become someone different — someone worthy. No one taught me that love is unconditional — of myself, and everyone in my life; or that we are all worthy just because we are. (It is no one’s fault, people are doing the best with what they know.)

I struggled through the rest of my 20s trying to figure out why I was regaining the weight. I was a new mom taking a long hard look at what my life was. I had a beautiful marriage but I was scared to death about what I would be teaching my son.

I realized that I spent 29 years hating myself, my body, my personality, my sense of humor, my loudness, my laugh. Hating myself repeated nearly two decades of similar thinking, similar results, similar feelings. And I decided to try something completely radical. What if I start to like myself? What would change? How would I change?

This small and extremely powerful shift is what led me to confronting my terrible quality of life with the lap band. I liked myself too much to keep it — and I had it removed, without a revision. I wanted to keep trusting myself and allowing imperfection.

Since then I had my 2nd baby and I have lost more weight without the band (75 lbs) than I had with (60 lbs). I’m a coach for my people who are suffering just like I did. It is optional. You are worthy right now because you are. Nothing about you needs to change.

Join me to find your self-love, and permanently lose your weight as a byproduct. Let’s talk about what is possible for you and your future. We can spend 1 hour together getting to know the real you and who you want to be. Send me a message to get started.

You are worth it.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band, lap band removal, lap band removed, life coach, mind management, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, thought work, weight loss, weight loss coach, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Weight Loss Surgery made me paranoid

I could never eat a true meal in public. Not without embarrassing myself – or the people I was out with. Especially my husband when we first met and were dating.

So, I would play it safe in public. Some soup. Maybe some crackers. A hot tea.

And then I would get home and be starving. I would eat my “normal” meal at home by myself. This would normally be McDonald’s or pizza. And I had to be strategic in the ways I would go about eating.

My brain was excellent at problem solving. And still is.

The Lap Band effected so much more than my waist line. Coaching brought me back into living my life intentionally. Reminding my brain how I actually want to spend time and what I want to be thinking about. And now circling back around, helping to problem solve for you and our community.

Because I know what it is like. All of it. The shame. The struggle. The turmoil.

Life does not need to be this way. What would you rather be doing? Let’s get started.