Never in my life would I have believed I would be deliberately losing weight through thought work and mind management — let alone, in a blog, with a (future) podcast, as I am in the middle of becoming a certified life coach… But here I am.
I am currently living a dream that was so deep inside, so quiet — I honestly did not believe it was even worth having.
In 2010 at age 23, when I decided the lap band Weight Loss Surgery was the way I would gain command of my life — my hope was almost immediately extinguished when I realized it was not the permanent solve for my weight loss. I distinctly remember thinking, “…and if I ever need to drop more weight off again in the future, I can just fill the pouch back up.” So heartbreaking.
Once I had the surgery, I realized practically overnight — ok so this will not be the way I figure this out. But how.
And there I stayed for years. Ignoring my band, and trying to eat out in public with my now husband. And trying to eat healthy foods, but not being able to keep anything down. And ultimately surrendering to milk shakes, or candy bars, or anything that was “slippery.” Read: NOT grilled chicken, NOT broccoli, NOT hard boiled eggs.
I was married in 2013. I felt so beautiful that day. Until I caught a glimpse of what my back looked like after seeing a pic the next day. That felt like a punch directly into my stomach, and it knocked the wind out of me.
I became pregnant with my first baby – a boy – in 2015. I did not know how I was going to show up as a mom but I knew I needed to be different. I wanted to be different. I wanted to become the athletic mom. I have always loved sports. I wanted to teach my son how to play, too.
In 2016, I knew I was ready to start making a change. But how. I joined Weight Watchers for the approximately 20th time or so, and lost 20 lbs in 2 months. I was also introduced to the podcast: Half Size Me. Heather is the host and spoke to losing weight the way you want to live your life. I knew I needed to drop Weight Watchers and find another way. It took me a few months before I was ready but once I took the leap, I never looked back.
I started small — winning back my trust, and finding my self-love. I focused on keeping my kitchen clean and my sink empty. I committed to doing this every day. Nothing else. Just keeping the kitchen clean. It worked. And about 2 months later, I was ready for more.