Today I figured out the feeling that has been bringing me back to food every day. After spending my entire pregnancy getting used to using food for “only” solving hunger, 5 weeks postpartum I have figured out the reason I have once again found comfort in overeating…
I am grieving my previous life.
Not because my new life is bad — because it is good. But. It is hard being a mom of 2. It is hard being a stay at home mom. I never even thought about becoming the latter. I was always going to be a working mom — working for someone else and in a corporate setting, I had thought. Even though I had really always wanted to work for myself. Like my mom. And now I am still a working mom. While I am staying home with my kids, I am working on launching this blog, podcast, and coaching business.
So I am in grief. I miss having a desk in a building that is not in my home. I miss dropping off my son at daycare. I miss interacting with adults — and caring about my LinkedIn profile (ha!) I miss being friendly with colleagues. I miss most of it…
But that does not mean I am not grateful for my life right this second. They are not mutually exclusive. I miss having my own income (for now) and I am not loving having to adjust to a tighter budget.
But I am super grateful to my husband for pushing me to take this leap. I am grateful that I have changed my mindset in such a significant way that I could make peace with being a stay at home mom. I am grateful for doing something so wildly outside of my comfort zone that I know I am not going to be the same person in one year, or six months, or even one month from now.
But most of all I am grateful for my son and my daughter. I am a mother of two, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a blogger, a (future) podcast host, a (future) Life Coach and an entrepreneur.
Now that I have identified the feeling, I can now work on putting it behind me. I can move past this and onwards to transforming into the person I am meant to become.
Life is hard. And. Life is good.