Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band, lap band removal, lap band removed, life coach, mind management, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, thought work, weight loss, weight loss coach, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Am I wrong? Quite possibly.

I don’t know if I was actually wrong about every single thing I have ever done, but I am willing to be.

The reason why this came up for me is because basically every altercation or problem that had previously arisen in my life was solved on my part without intention, without conscientiousness, in “asleep” mode.

I had found a solution for myself and/or others without really considering the thoughts and beliefs behind it. Whatever it was, it did not come from a clean and deliberate space. I did not consider what kind of sisterhood, friendship, marriage, relationship was being created by the reaction, action or lack-thereof that took place.

The reason behind why I choose to be wrong now is because I quite possibly was and am. It’s ok. It’s all ok. I am glad to be wrong.

I want a stronger marriage, better friendships, and deeper relationships with everyone in my life and I am willing to take responsibility for all of it.

Here’s the key: whether I am wrong, or even if I was not — it does not even matter.

I want everyone around me to be able to be themselves fully. The same way I want to be that way too. I am letting go of all of it.

I welcome the feelings — being wrong, embarrassed, hurt, sad, like a failure, egotistical, boring, unimportant. Whatever you got.

I feel proud of myself because I have given myself the space and freedom to have been and to still be wrong. I did not know better and now I do. I accept all of it.

I want to invite you to experience the power of coaching and how it can serve you in your life. Contact me here and let’s get to know each other better. I’d love the opportunity to help you unleash your potential.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band, lap band removal, lap band removed, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

McDonald’s & Weight Loss

I have recently found myself in a pattern with my weight loss. I drop 5 lbs and then spin in those 5 lbs for 2-3 weeks before being able to drop down another 5 lbs and so on and so forth.

I know weight loss is not linear. But it is interesting to find myself in this very specific pattern.

I also know that it is because I sometimes find myself not fully believing or being able to visualize my body as a size 8. [This speaks to my coaching style and if you’re intrigued, message me.]

It would be easy for me to find fault with myself and see the negativity, see that this will “never happen” for myself. And if that was my point of view, I would be right!

Here’s the thing — the last 2 days this week (and on plan for day 3, too) is McDonald’s. Yes, it is not healthy. No, it is not my favorite thing to eat. It is just where I am at right now. Some of you may not even be able to admit that aloud. [I feel you. Message me.]

But! I let go of the judgement, the self-imposed pressure of what I “should” be eating in order to lose weight. No judgement. I just listened to my body according to hunger and satiety, and I lost weight. I lost weight eating McDonald’s two days in a row. I did not eat too much. I ate just enough.

So, I met myself where I am. Somedays it is eating a salad. Somedays it is McDonald’s. Being in tune with myself is enough for me to trust that I can ask of myself something reasonable. No pressure. No questioning. No resentment.

If this approach sounds like something you’re missing in your own life, send me a message and we’ll set up a free mini session.

I teach women how to trust themselves and their bodies and I am looking forward to hearing all about your own success and how you’ve met yourself where you are — and still gotten the overall desired results.

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band, lap band removal, lap band removed, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Lap Band Removed

Having my lap band removed was the scariest thing I have ever done. I did not fully believe in my ability to live without it and not gain weight. But I also started to love myself enough to want to have it out all together.

The quality of life with it was awful. I don’t think there were a dozen meals throughout the entire 7 years when I had it that I did not have to get up from the table. You know what I’m talking about.

I tried so hard to ignore this thing that really made life miserable.

I could not eat food that was healthy.

I had to only eat the crap.

It was just a really messed up situation.

I had lost 60 lbs that first year with it in 2010. I got pregnant with and had my son in 2015. My new highest weight was 320. By July 2017 I found myself at the same weight I was when I first had it placed all those years ago — 292.

Facing the doctors and having it removed was the most courageous day in memory.

I could tell they really had no idea why I was doing this. That I must have been crazy. Maybe I was.

At the time I did not know exactly how I was going to lose my weight (which was the scariest piece of all of this!) but I was determined to figure it out.

I knew within those first 3 months that the lap band was not going to be the thing for me to figure this out. I knew that eating was in my brain. It was deep down but I knew it was there. I was desperately trying to ignore it but finally I could not any longer.

I am now down 71 lbs which is more weight than I have ever lost in my life. And I have figured out why overeating was something I struggled with for the majority of my life.

You are not alone. You deserve to have your band removed too if you are even mildly considering what the process would be.

I have absolutely no doubt that I will lose my remaining 90 lbs. I have goals to finish 2019 at my goal weight. I am all in on feeling all of the feelings. I will teach you how.

Do you want to live intentionally or in default mode?

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

Weight Loss Surgery — Lap Band: Fail & Re-gain.

I had Weight Loss Surgery. I was 23. I was desperate to find the thing that was going to change me into an entirely different person, and most importantly — thin. I had to also be entirely different because I knew deep down that someone else (NOT me) would be worthy of living their life that way. Definitely not me.

Full Stop.

I want to be really clear about something. You — yes, you! — are worthy of every single thing your heart desires right now. I can already tell you don’t believe me. But I must insist this point to be absolutely true.

You are worthy of — and deserve — every single thing your heart desires right now.

 

I was 292 lbs when I was 23. I had to gain weight to get my surgery approved by the insurance company. I lost 60 lbs within that first year. I hit 232 lbs. And then I figured out how to eat the way I wanted to — the way I knew how to, the way I had missed for that year or so.

After all, healthy food was getting stuck all the time anyway! I might as well just eat something I know won’t be an issue because I am tired of getting up multiple times during a meal to excuse myself so I can throw up.

Yes, this was my life. And if you have had WLS too, you may be awfully familiar with my story.

 

Once I had my son in 2015, I freaked. If I continued on my current trajectory, how am I going to show up as a mom? How did I WANT to show up as a mom? What did I want my life to look like? So. Many. Questions. And I had all the answers about how I did NOT want my life to look.

I knew I had to figure out how to have my own back. How to love myself — even through all of the “but’s” I had. What did it look like for me to be able to trust myself? To make a decision and stick with it. To do something for myself that I never before, not once, had ever done for myself — until now.

After ignoring my band for as long as I could — 7 years, I made peace with letting it go. By this time I had built up enough trust and love in myself that I knew I could handle making this major decision — this weight loss surgery reversal; to have my lap band removed.

 

I am in unchartered territory now. Losing weight. What are the statics about people who have failed weight loss surgery? Not good, I would bet. But that is not stopping me — nor does it even matter. I KNOW in my heart 100% that my life is my own, and that I will lose the rest of my weight.

I am inviting you to join me. We can figure this out together. I already have every single tool I need. I can teach them to you, too.

 

Love yourself enough to join me.

 

I have two options: private one-on-one coaching and group coaching in a Facebook group.

Let’s Get Started!

Posted in weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain

Never Have I Ever: Thought I’d be Losing Weight Publicly

Never in my life would I have believed I would be deliberately losing weight through thought work and mind management — let alone, in a blog, with a (future) podcast, as I am in the middle of becoming a certified life coach… But here I am.

I am currently living a dream that was so deep inside, so quiet — I honestly did not believe it was even worth having.

In 2010 at age 23, when I decided the lap band Weight Loss Surgery was the way I would gain command of my life — my hope was almost immediately extinguished when I realized it was not the permanent solve for my weight loss. I distinctly remember thinking, “…and if I ever need to drop more weight off again in the future, I can just fill the pouch back up.” So heartbreaking.

Once I had the surgery, I realized practically overnight — ok so this will not be the way I figure this out. But how.

And there I stayed for years. Ignoring my band, and trying to eat out in public with my now husband. And trying to eat healthy foods, but not being able to keep anything down. And ultimately surrendering to milk shakes, or candy bars, or anything that was “slippery.” Read: NOT grilled chicken, NOT broccoli, NOT hard boiled eggs.

I was married in 2013. I felt so beautiful that day. Until I caught a glimpse of what my back looked like after seeing a pic the next day. That felt like a punch directly into my stomach, and it knocked the wind out of me.

I became pregnant with my first baby – a boy – in 2015. I did not know how I was going to show up as a mom but I knew I needed to be different. I wanted to be different. I wanted to become the athletic mom. I have always loved sports. I wanted to teach my son how to play, too.

In 2016, I knew I was ready to start making a change. But how. I joined Weight Watchers for the approximately 20th time or so, and lost 20 lbs in 2 months. I was also introduced to the podcast: Half Size Me. Heather is the host and spoke to losing weight the way you want to live your life. I knew I needed to drop Weight Watchers and find another way. It took me a few months before I was ready but once I took the leap, I never looked back.

I started small — winning back my trust, and finding my self-love. I focused on keeping my kitchen clean and my sink empty. I committed to doing this every day. Nothing else. Just keeping the kitchen clean. It worked. And about 2 months later, I was ready for more.

 

 

Posted in postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain

Join Me

I am down 50 pounds and I am losing the rest of my weight the way I want to live the rest of my life.  I do not count calories nor do I count WW points. I listen to my body and I deal with overeating and emotional eating urges through thought work. If you have similar goals, then please join me! Comment below or send me a private message and Let’s Get Started!

Posted in failed lap band, failed weight loss surgery, lap band removal, postpartum, postpartum weight loss, pregnancy, pregnancy weight management, weight loss, weight loss surgery, weight loss surgery regain, weight loss surgery revision

A brief intro

I was 23 years old in 2010 when I ultimately decided to have Weight Loss Surgery. I opted to go with the lap band and needed to gain weight in order to get approval from my insurance company. 

When I graduated from high school in 2005, my weight was around 180 pounds. As soon as I began college following that Summer, my weight was already in the 200s and I had absolutely no desire to do what was necessary to stop the bleed. 

Sure, I had joined Weight Watchers several times before then but as a ‘rebel,’ almost every weigh in was futile. [I am a rebel as defined by Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies.]

Of course I “knew” how to lose weight. Eat salad. Stop having an entire box of cereal in one day. Go for a walk. I simply did not want to do any of it.

I was emotional and food was the constant to level me out so I did not have to feel.

The lap band played a significant role in my 20s. It totally revoked my ability to binge eat. For that, I am thankful.

However, knowing what I know now and from where I am currently sitting, nothing about weight loss has anything to do with “what” you are eating or how much you move. Just that you simply limit the quantity — and not so that you are hungry; and move in a way that clears your mental space.

Changing my life, finally, took a big effort in my mental game. I will let you in on a secret. No one ever hated themselves enough to lose the weight. It took me figuring out how to love myself in order to make peace with this process… and my new life…